Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
