My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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