shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She announced her abortion via fbk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
