Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
