I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
