I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
