Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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