you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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