you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
