i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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