Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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