Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
