We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
