She's JV to your varsity
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
