next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
