Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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