you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
