Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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