how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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