On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
