I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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