he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to sanitize my soul.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
