I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
