kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
