he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
