What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
