oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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