Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal