I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.