my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!