She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today