someone owes me an orgasm
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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