I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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