Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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