Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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