She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
