i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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