I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
