i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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