Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
