She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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