I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
