did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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