not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him