he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
