I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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