Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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