I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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