last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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