I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
