Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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