What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
