Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
