so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
