Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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