i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You've changed since you got that strap on
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
