as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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