This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
