who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
