They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
