i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
