You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
