i don't plan on having that self control this summer
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
