he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
